Singapore on the map. It's even smaller than it looks here..

Singapore.  Tiny island nation off the southwest tip of southeast Asia.  Home of the… Mer-lion?

More on that later.

A Singaporean (Singaporese?  Singaperson?) friend from Chongqing, upon hearing I’d be gracing his small but world renown homeland, offered me all the lodging, touring, dining and clubbing I could possibly want, courtesy of a legion of his friends and family.  It’s the ultimate backpacker boon — having access to friendly locals — and it’s absolutely wasted on me.  The cheapest flights I could organize in advance from Cambodia to Indonesia happened to have a seven hour layover in Singapore.  It’s enough time to go on a quick tourist run of the city-state, but doesn’t allow for much more than that.

It’s a shame, because I’ve liked everyone I’ve ever met from Singapore.  For one of the smallest countries in the world — at only 270 square miles, it’s barely larger than Guam — the people of Singapore certainly get out a lot.  I’ve met several people from Singapore in my travels, though I’ve never met a single Malaysian, despite the neighboring country being more than 500 times its size.  There are a few factors that likely influence this:

1. Singapore’s primary language — there are three other official ones — is an interestingly accented English.  It’s heavily enunciated, yet with a soft ‘R’.  ”Sing-a-PUHH” rather than “Sing-a-PORE.”
2. It’s an extremely wealthy country, with the highest percentage of millionaires in US dollars — 15% of all households — in the world.
3. Singapore is used to being very international.  It has one of the busiest ports in the world, and  is the fourth leading financial center in the world, due to very business-friendly policies from the government.

Singapore is also famous (or infamous) for having a strict, authoritarian government.  When I was in grade school, it made the news for taking a cane to an American student’s bare ass due to catching the hooligan vandalizing property.  The penalty for being caught with drugs, even for foreigners, is  death.  Chewing gum and having oral sex in one’s own home are both still technically illegal, though laws are in the process of being changed to make the country seem more modern.  But spitting, littering, smoking in public, urinating in public and jaywalking all carry heavy fines and potentially warrant use of the cane.

I make a mental note of staying on my best behavior during my short, exploratory layover.

A thoroughly modern subway drops me off in the theoretical heart of town.  ”Go to Raffles!” the various subway employees tell me when I question them for advice on how to best spend my time here.  Thomas Stamford Raffles, founding father of Singapore.  Dead now, obviously, but his legacy remains in the form of a hotel, bar, hospital, university, sports complex, marina, several statues and any number of other honors bestowed upon him by one of the few Asian cities I’ve been to that seems proud of having a British imperialist founder.

Singapore by bicycle, the lazy way

It’s a decidedly Western city, tucked away as it is in the heart of southeast Asia.  Its layout, architecture, appearance and general personality remind me more of home than anywhere else I’ve been since arriving in China six months ago.  A purposefully wrinkled, beige sport jacket catches my attention in a window, and while it’s significantly more expensive than clothing in China, it’s the first article of clothing I’ve felt the need to purchase in some time.  Outside, an older man driving a bicycle taxi offers to give me a thirty minute tour for ten dollars.

As his tour includes the first, and ends with the latter two on my tourist checklist –

1. Visit the Mer-lion
2. A Singapore sling at Raffles Longbar
3. A drink at the New Asia bar

– I hop into the comfortable wicker and cushion seat.

Yes, it’s a decidedly alcohol-saturated list, especially for a quick afternoon visit, but (2) is this country’s  addition to bar menus across the world and (3) offers the best skyline view of the city, but only for bar patrons.  I have no choice but to imbibe!  As for (1), I’m not quite sure what the hell is going on with this country.

Yes, the Mer-lion: Half mermaid (well, half fish, technically) and half-lion.  For a country with zero tolerance toward drug usage, it’s surprising to find this Yellow Submarine reject as its official mascot.  In Malay, Singapore means “Lion City” despite no lions ever gracing its borders, and being an island, clearly a more marine-based lion would be needed to represent the country.  Enter the Mer-lion.

Yes, the fearsome Mer-Lion, symbol of Singapore!

From Homer's lost work. Finally, the Odyssey makes sense!

True story: Singaporeans use "Merlion" as a euphemism for "Vomiting." As in "I shouldn'tve eaten that shark fin soup -- I think I'm gonna Merlion..."

The view from the top of the Asia bar. Half of the Asia bar is a sit-down restaurant; I asked if I could walk over to take a quick picture of the other side of the city and was denied, despite having bought a drink. Then again, all the pictures I've ever taken from these rooftop bars just end up looking identical to me anyway.

A slightly more zoomed in picture capturing all the maritime activity outside Singapore. The country hosts one of the five most active ports in the world.

Attractive, sunny, downtown Singapore.

My hardworking tourguide. To his credit, he talked almost non-stop about the various plants, monuments and buildings we passed. I've forgotten almost all of it!

Singapore's skyline, with the monument honoring the dead of World War II (when the Japanese had occupied Singapore) in the foreground

And the World War I memorial

The beloved Mr. Raffles. Â And an Asian woman posing with him. Â Seriously.

The world famous Raffles Long Bar, inventor of the Singapore Sling and famous for gratuitous servings of peanuts where patrons are encouraged to toss the remains onto the already shell-covered floor

The sling and I. I kept the glass, despite what a pain in the ass it is, traveling with any souvenirs, let alone glass ones.

The lively Clarke Quay, riverside hot spot and home to a large assortment of fine restaurants and clubs, including "Hooters"

I just liked the building's color scheme

A friendly Buddhist monk on vacation from Sri Lanka. We got to talking on the street near Clarke Quay and eventually he freely gave me a five-colored bracelet to wear with my others. It was my favorite, though I lost it two months later during a week-long vacation to the States, when an overzealous security guard ripped it from my wrist as he ejected me from a Disco Biscuits concert.